MY OPEN LETTER!=)

tago bilis...dyahe!! hahahahahaha


i am clueLess of this sudden change. Abruptly you've eased this dullness i am feeling.

how can i grab again those eyes that solely was with me? how can i get back the attention you have patiently for me? it's just a start of questioning myself of having again this so called my-perpetual-routine-of-love.

you've chased me and now...am chasing you!

just let it hang and i'll keep on following you.Don't mind me mydear. i just love the sight of seeing you walking, as if you dont see me looking. Don't look back! It's a gentle way of saying i-like-you-no-more! Just passed me by and let me desire the thought of not having you around for i know that, if i'll make a certain move, you'll fall easily! Don't say any sweet flattering words, even touch me, that won't help! I love your way of making me jealous and making me realized that i am not worthy of your attention. Just keep me yearn for it! I wont ask anyone to give me a spear and stab me because you've certainly doing it!

You've tickled my idle mind!

I am in-love probably in the wrong way. All i know is that, you've made me want you more! I won't suppress it nor let defenses take over. I am liking you in my own special way because i know it's impossible to have you. Intensely i desire you, just don't reciprocate, let it hang and let it pass!

I am used to it and i am a self confessed imposer of pain and pleasure!

See you around...Mydear!=)

ODE TO THE BEAUTIFUL NUDE by PABLO NERUDA

With a chaste heart
With pure eyes I celebrate your beauty
Holding the leash of blood

So that it might leap out and trace your outline
Where you lie down in my Ode
As in a land of forests or in surf
In aromatic loam, or in sea music

Beautiful nude
Equally beautiful your feet
Arched by primeval tap of wind or sound
Your ears, small shells
Of the splendid American sea
Your breasts of level plentitude
Fulfilled by living light
Your flying eyelids of wheat
Revealing or enclosing
The two deep countries of your eyes

The line your shoulders have divided into pale regions
Loses itself and blends into the compact halves of an apple
Continues separating your beauty down into two columns of
Burnished gold
Fine alabaster
To sink into the two grapes of your feet
Where your twin symmetrical tree burns again and rises
Flowering fire
Open chandelier
A swelling fruit
Over the pact of sea and earth

From what materials
Agate?
Quartz?
Wheat?
Did your body come together?
Swelling like baking bread to signal silvered hills
The cleavage of one petal
Sweet fruits of a deep velvet
Until alone remained
Astonished
The fine and firm feminine form

It is not only light that falls over the world spreading inside your body Yet suffocate itself So much is clarity Taking its leave of you As if you were on fire within

The moon lives in the lining of your skin. --->PABLO NERUDA

..JUST READ THIS BEAUTIFUL POEM ON THE PAGES OF INQUIRER. AYAN, NAINLOVE TULOY AKO SA MGA WORKS NYA.

I LOVE THE LAST STANZA!

Anung KaLandian iTo?Emo ka?

Gusto ko ng tapusin ang oras.

Gusto ko ng lisanin ang kinalulugaran ko,

Para saken, isa itong problemang dapat tapusin.

Di tapat patagalin.

Dapat tuldukan.

Di ko na kaya at matagaltagal pa ang oras.

Pinipigilan dumaloy ang luhang kanina pa

Nanggingiming pumatak.

Kung bakit ba di kita pinigilan?

At di man lang nilapitan?

Hanggang sa nngyare na..

Huli na ang lahat.

Paglingon ko wla ka na

Di man lang ngpaalam

Di man lang ngsabe!

Hanggang saan ko kikimkimin ang iniwang damdamin.

Superhumane Effort!

Aaaaaaargh..hard to define yet its here again. So, what will
I do..

1. I just
   put my headset on then at least even for a while it eliminates the struggling emotion within.
   It would take 30mins then im ok na.
2. I’ll
   get mymug then pour some coffee tapos,,kelangan bittersweet.
3. I’ll
   do this,,freewriting. I’ll steal only fewminutes of my time writing here.
4. Tas work
   mode ulit. Work mode..workmode.till I get busy..eventually i’ve help
   myself to get my attention be diverted.

yeah,right..a superhumane effort just to
brush aside all
this. Para-paraan nlng!

I know…few months or weeks..days will passed then its all
over again. It will pass..manalig ako! Manalig akoooooooo!! Hahahaha =)

ISN'T LIFE STRANGE?! (well..am faLLen!)

AM A NOT-SO-LICENSED-PAPARAZZI!! BWAHAHAHA

Feelings were suppressed, minds complexity troubled my heart recalling back those moments..

Nobody would realize as people stare, as if they would mind..

Encapsulated thoughts need to be recognize,

and i would be happy..

just to be acknowledge..

and il be thankful..

if you care!

Questions

dahil sa puro survey ang laman ng bulletin sa FWENDSTER … hweto gumawa ako ng sarile ko..go with the flow!! hahahaha =)

1. kanino ka natutong magfwendsteriing thing? >> iknew this thing to Dylan,,sabe nya magregister daw ako..masaya daw,tho im not into this kind of online stuff before..
2. sino ang kaunaunahang nagtesti sayow?>>..cya din,, checkitout! Naging mgkachikahan kme nitong gerL nato for a month,ansaya!(ewankolangkungkilalanyapako..hehe) Simpleng babae plng cya nun,ngyn sikat n cya.
3. ano ang iyong matuturing na guilty-pleasure? >>recently,nung napatambay ako sa bahay ng 1month,naku..nannuod ako ng Wowowee tas isang lingo kong nging crush si Willie,,tas nnuod ako ng HanaKimi ung sa ch.2..tas crush ko si Dok. Tas dretso BigBrother ang pnnuod..hanepz..kapamilyangkapamilya..hahaha
4. any frustrations? >>OOmeron eh gusto kong libutin ng buong pilipinas,nd gusto kong mgexcel s mg interest ko: maggitra,magsult,mgpinta etc..tipong numpisahan ko lng Tas di ko nmn ntapos. Plage akong gnun,,msatisfy ko lng ung urges to learn...=)
5. anong gusto mong pag aralan? >> mg massage therapy..ggwin kong sideline.hahaha
6. kamusta ang self-esteem mo? >> so far..not good! Nagffalter..pabago bago.
7. inlab kaba ngyn? >> oo naman..in lab ako at soobrang attach sa mga interest ko..
8. anugn interest mo? >>makinig ng musikang gusto ko,,maggitara sa bahay,,magsulat ng kugn anung naiisip..lumaboy..tumambay..
9. single ka ba?bkit? >>oo,,am single by choice kase no choice..hahaha=D
10. gusto/ayaw mo mag asawa? Bkit ulit? >>as of now..malakeng ayoko!bkit? aba..mahirap ang buhay ngyn..sarile ko nga dko na kayang buhayin, magdadagdag pko..at pangit na ang mundo para tirhan….either il grow up alone or il adapt a child.=)
11. plastic ka ba? >>actually,im not! pero may mga instances na i have to..and you’ll never know ,even feel ,that i am…
12. i-love-myself-statement mo? (para sa mga mababa ang self confidence),,kung mataas na..hindi ito nababagay na tanong. >> IF I HAVE THIS STRONG WILL OVER SOMETHING..I COULD DO ITAND I COULD GET IT..byhooked or by crooked..harharhar..=)
13. pleaser ka ba? >> yup..specially if i like the person,.BUT kapag no response at all, I’ll not exert a superhumane effort anymore..hehe..i’ll ditch him/her off!! the nerve!!! hahahaha=D

ANGER MANAGEMENT PART1

people might misconstrued me as a person, mylifestyle or myprinciple..

i dont owe you a single word or even defend mypart, i 'll just let it be!

you’re not in myworld anyway..

hindi nmn karagdagan sa pagkatao ko ang mga reaksyong nakukuha ko o makukuha ko..ni pagtyagaang kausapin ang uri mo,,dko gagawin!

tara….kape nlng..=D

escape

its sad that im looking forward to mylastresort

am tired and dissapontments prevails

im weary and none of any positivity over mymind.

its a need to find my way home.. .

and love isnt my lair!

Escape.. .. … ..

A BATTLE

i knew this eversince..i’ve felt this 7years ago. Emptiness surrounds me,melancholy was anticipated. I wasnt able to survive this emotion until my superego reigns.

i’ve fought the battle..my id was defeated..

And now..im facing again this stupidity.

and i knew the culprit of these hostility.

and im blaming mundane desires..

i dont like to live this way.

and i hope i’ll won the battle.

This isnt my ideal self.. ..

DEVIRGINIZED I (repost)

Sabe masaket daw…

Hindi naman.

( Mega tanggi p nga
ako..pero wala..sumuko din.)

Impulsive kase..wala eh..pinasok ko to..bahala na…=)

Siyempre masaket … ..sa Ego. . but, it still differs on how you handle
situations.

It’s so intense that I have to write it over here.

Ansaya lang kase..overwhelming ang feeling..its my first
time to be criticized personally sa larangan ng literatura (awwww naman!parang may napatunayan na??)
hehe=)

Kababawan sa iba..pero sa ken..kakaiba.. =D

Sabe nga nila ..“
you should know how to detached yourself over your works. If someone criticizes your work, it doesn’t necessarily mean
that it’s you,personally,that has been criticized.”

Cge..cge..tama..tama! =d

I was devirginized. Kung mga katulad lang nila ang
mang-ookray at kakatay ng gawa ko, ok lang. mas gusto ko kung sila. well-experienced sila eh =)

… .. ..

“o ano tutula ka o mgkkwento?”

sabe ko..” magkwento na lang..”

“Ano?? ambilis mo nmng sumuko?”

(kaso..di ko sila na pleased,,abstract daw.) =(

Anyway,Gusto kong maulit…kaso busy na ata sila,ang gagaling nila sooobrang
nirerespeto ko sila. Daming learnings! salamat.=)

UNREQUITED LOVE

I don’t have any outlet that’s why im writing it over here,again.

If only I could burst all these and cry.

And I’ve felt so useless!

That someone ive cared for is now in pain,

Trying to be calm and not shown of his emotions

And that makes me more upset.

To see him feared of not expressing it all out gets me so uneasy.

I could feel melancholy all over him, emptiness.

His gloomy eyeS wants to cry but he can’t.

he doesn’t even speak.

I could only see him from here where ive seated.

His head, leaning on his desk. He cant work.

Ive tried to talked to him, ask him to go out, but he resisted.

I don’t know how to approached or make a move.

I never used to see him on that situation.

So helpless!

I can’t say that ive pity him.

Im so upset just like him.

For in any reason that he cant confide it to me.

Cos maybe, i can’t do anything for him to be happy

He don’t even need me, im just nothing!

And that hurts me more!

If only I could do something just to see him happy,

even ifsomeone poke a joke out of me,

or be the subject of all those mockery, then,

I’ll let it be just to see him smiling.

I’ll do anything, just to see him wearing a smile even for a while, even if it takes me too long to do it…

I will!