She just says... she's aLright! =)

A sTory to teLL...
Forbidden it may seem, but she really assure herseLf that she did it by choice.

That made her happy, 'tho!

Late 2008 was never a hum-drum days for her. It became the most chaotic and unanticipated. I couLd describe her as a Reserve type and an easy-go-lucky woman. She have never open up things that easily . She really believes on herself's capabilities and hated helpless people around. I could say, she's been into unsuccesfull relationships that made her stick and stuck on her belief(s) about Love. She got suitors but then, ditching off some of them. She just love flirting! WeLL, that's her game. She never fall in love easily and got Boyfriends around. (emphasize on the word ''friend'')

When she was on her SecondaryYear in schooL, she've got collections of a not-so-happy-ending pocketbooks where she have read about OpenRelationships. The status that she have looked forward to experience and expLore, until 2008 came...

She fell in love to a college friend. She've never acknowledged the feeling until they went out on an out-of-town trip aLone. Yeah, what can you expect on that getaway ..alone?! Of course...intimacy. They did ''that'' thing that made her fell on the ''trap''. She've called it a trap since she didnt mean to fell. ( i will not tell the story of the guy since i dont know him even met.. just storytelling the emotion of this woman=) ). They're so happy back then, as if they're the only couple living. They've cuddled,shared each others stories,interests,confessions.Its indeed a Freedom! They've became more than what they have with each other.

Yes,she admitted that going out with him was a mutual plan but she've reiterated words to him that they would leave anything that happened on that vacation.

Silence surrounded their trip on a bus going back on their hometown. They've pLayed MindReading, entertaining expectations,hunches and negative echoes on their mind...

She was so confident and certain that she wont fall.

Just 5hours have passed after stepping off from that bus they've rode on, a feeling of emptiness was felt. She wont fall,she have said...

She was in Denial.


to be continued...

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i Like his sTyLe! ♥

Yeah man! the last time ive seen him performing was 2008 during FetedelaMusique in Malate..they're so funny eh!! subrang kakatuwa! ayan..nablog tuloy. =)


Oh dear..i think im inloooove again! =)


► got these pics thru his Facebook Account =) ♥

Out of Boredom

...well, this World is not mine. Not even my possesion. My only possesion is this FreeWill that ive treasured. The freedom to do things ive like to do. To live freely without inhibitions. Its just so sad to think that, i cant choose someone to stay. I just let them ..letting them to be here and knock on my being. I cant just easily pick those people i like and let them stay because they have their own freewill too! Yeah, I understand that we need to let go someone we've never owned. But how come that i've get so attached, and later on, ive let myself suffer!?

Aarrgh..i know am the culprit of all these Pain. So why am i so anxious?
Ah ,yeah ..bLame it to all those hormones and neurons on my system. They've made me feel this way. I shouldnt have to?! But they did..=/

So all i have to do is to 'go with the flow', and dance with the rule of nature,that someone will come along and, might not stay simpLy because they dont like to. Its been a cliche 'tho. A rule and reality! Just like that every thing has a Cause and has an equal Effect.

Ahmm..what shouLd i do? Acceptance..accepTance,i guess...that will keep me sane.

Bukas na Liham

Ginugunita ko pa din hanggang ngayon kung paanu tayo nagsimula. Tipong natapos ng hindi sinimulan. Ikaw ang dahil kugn bakit ko ito itatala sa Blogsite na ito at ipagpalit ang konting minuto ng pagttrabaho para lamang sa pagbubulalas ng damdamin.

Sa pagkakatanda ko...lumipas ang siyam na taon bago ko ulit naramdaman ang ganitong sentimiyento. Nakakaburyong!

Kung hindi ko ito issulat. iiyak ako. Malamang...

Nangyayare na naman, paulit ulit na din lng! Pag lumayo ako. Lalapit ka. Lalayo ka...hahabulin kita! Walang patutunguhan! Tumatagal at lumilipas ang panahon na ganuon na lang nag nangayayari at hinahayaan ko naman. ..

Tandang tanda ko pa ang paghahabol mo at pagtatanggol na ipaglaban ang nararamdaman mo..ang sarap balikbalikan! Napakapuro. Walang humaharang sa isip mo. Ako lng.Pero ako ang pilit na lumayo.Inaamin ko naman.....

Kaya nakakabiglang malaman na sa loob ng apatnapu't walong oras, magbabago ang lahat...ayoko ng idetalye dahil namumuhi ako! Poot ang nangingibabaw. Di man kita matanaw na kasama ang iba,kaulayaw mo nmn sa sariling isipan ang iba!Na kung kailan,dko na ginapos ang nararamdaman at hinayaang sumabay sa agos, ikaw nmn ag pilit lumayo. Hwag mong isumbat, dahil pinili kong ibalik ang lahat, na hindi naman nangyare. At yun ang ikinamumuhi ko.

Pero yun ang nakaraan..at patuloy pa din namang paminsan minsan ay ako pa din ang nakakaulayaw ng hungkag at walang saysay mong isipan. Patawad kong matatawag kung gayon ang pag iisip mo, dahil puno ako ng inis, pero maari mo ding sabihing ito ay isang kabalintunaan! At igagalang ko yon...


Eh.. bakit ba hindi ko itinuloy?
Naiisip ko pa lang na subukang panindigan ang damdaming kinubli, alam ko , walang kahihinatnan. Tatagos pa din ang pagkatakot.Siguro nga ay natatakot lamang ako sa maaring kahihinatnan ng desisyon at mga pagsisisi. Takot akong magsisi sa huli, dahil malayo yan sa mga paniniwala ko. Pero hindi ba ako nagsisisi ngyn? wala bang pumapasok kahit kaunti mang pagsisisi? panghihinayang? Anumang salita ang gamitin,di ko maissuot sa sako o sa iskaparate ang resulta ng patuloy na pagkkubli. Ako ang nahihirapan,at nagpapakitang ang nararamdaman ko ngayon ang nagddugtong sa realidad, sa nakkikita ko sa sarili ko. Wala ng sariling pagkkunwari at pagtatanggol. WAla. Ako pa den ang talunan!

At napagdesisyunang, hahayaan ko na lamang maging ganito. Dahil ako ay maihahalintulad lamang sa isang kagutuman na minsanan lng kung dumating sayo. Sa kadalasan ay kung kailangan mo. Ayoko din namang ikaw ang lumisan, o ako man! Gusto kong tapusin pero Di ko mabigyan ng dahilan sa sarili upang tuldukan ang lahat. Gusto ko ay may katapusan. Para madaling tangayin ng hangin at kalimutan. Mas mainam kung hindi maganda, dahil hindi ako naniniwala sa kagandahan ng katapusan sa pag-ibig. Lahat may Paghihirap. Pasakit.

Kaya ko namang iwaglit ang nakahulma mong pagkatao sa isip ko..ang totoo, kaya ko! Nahihirapan lgn ako.. ang nais ko ay aminin mong hindi mo rin kaya at pilit mo ring ikinukubli. Ang gusto ko ay ipahiwatig mo ito sa salita. Ayoko ng magbasa ng kilos mo...

Mananalangin na lamang ako, at kakapit sa isang himala na daratign ang panahon na ang ulo ko mismo ang iuuntog sa matigas bagay at patuloy na tatawanan ang lahat.
Harinawa!

*pahabol*
Ang lakas ng loob ko pero anu ba ang ikinababalisa ko, hindi mo naman paglalaaanan ng oras ang magbasa ng ganito at alm kong hindi masasagi ng iyong mga mata ang ganitong klase ng kabaliwan! Pero hindi naman ito para sayo..para sa ken ito! At gaya ng nabanggit ko iyo.,ang lahat ng ito ay paulit-ulit kong ihihingi ng tawad,,sa sarili ko at sayo!

Status Message

He's the reason why i am awake right now and woke up from a dream. He's a reason why i am doing this free-writing...
A dream that made me think of him again, it should'nt be that way for we know that we really are having our own liFe.

I woke and get off from bed and an urgency of seeing at least any link via web that could connect me to him, made me do this just to pacify this feeling...

Its been so long..i reallly wonder why his face appeared in mydreams this past few days. It seems so reaL.it's a Lucid Dream

Yeah., right! I keep on murmuring questions like.. How is he and Where is he now? I've tried to visit her account in Friendster but its not even updated. Still, a family man on his account. A pinch of 'kilig' visited me again when i still saw my account on his 'FeaturedFriends',after ive added him up, at least seeing me on that space eases this Sadness (yeah, ive searched and addded his account, pathetic, right?).
A man with few friends but i know he really is satisfied with his life! I never thought that he could make his life that way and with him living on his own world,i could say that i would'not be remembered. Its really impossible that a little touch of myFace would pass his busy mind. Neither, wonder where am i nor recall the old feelings.

A deep-seated sigh!

If onLy i could rewind those days. If only i could bring up same feelings again,so many 'if's' and it just ended there. It's only right now i'd realize that i've should gave importance on that relatonship. Why didn't i? maybe i was young way back then...the emotional attachment i've had with him was so intensed that i got feared for the feeling itself and gave high regard with my pride.

Ive tried to search his name on Facebook, luckily, his name appeared, having mutual friends. It seems that's it not updated , too. But i am seeing updated pictures. He's been to different places meeting lots of girls ,obviously, because of his work and it shows that he's a succesful man.He really seems so happy and i envy him.,i also envy the woman behind of all his happiness, ive never envied people this way and it feels that i am hurting..

WeLL..i am living in my superficial and fantasy world. Creating my own story within. I've really wanted seeing him again. It's unexplainable and undone. Its really hard to be trap on a feeling that you may say 'unfinish'. It will continuosly haunt you and affect some events in ur life. And what is happening with me right now is an Episode, i hope that its just a mood!

Well.. after writing this,i'll turn myLaptop off and jusT sit here and with this silence.. hoping that even in memories, i can still be with him. Its not a ''Period'' event in my Life right now..it's just a Coma., its undone and I am looking forward..i am..looking..forward..come what may!

WOMAN

IM AN OUTLET,AN ECHO THAT KEEPS ON LINGERING,
JUST LIKE A PAIL WHERE THE WATER FROM THE FAUCET POURS,
A MAT , WHERE YOU WIPE DOWN YOUR FEET,
A DROP OF RAIN THAT FEEDS DURING DROUGHT,
A RELIEF FOR A SUDDEN THIRST,
A REMEDY FOR THAT ITCHINESS.

ITS AN INFLICTED DISTRESS…
A SWEEET AND PLEASING ONE THAT MARKED THOSE DAYS!
SO SWEET THAT EVEN FOR A WHILE AM HOLDING YOUR MIND

YOU'VE MADE ME A WOMAN!
THANK YOU!

MY OPEN LETTER!=)

tago bilis...dyahe!! hahahahahaha


i am clueLess of this sudden change. Abruptly you've eased this dullness i am feeling.

how can i grab again those eyes that solely was with me? how can i get back the attention you have patiently for me? it's just a start of questioning myself of having again this so called my-perpetual-routine-of-love.

you've chased me and now...am chasing you!

just let it hang and i'll keep on following you.Don't mind me mydear. i just love the sight of seeing you walking, as if you dont see me looking. Don't look back! It's a gentle way of saying i-like-you-no-more! Just passed me by and let me desire the thought of not having you around for i know that, if i'll make a certain move, you'll fall easily! Don't say any sweet flattering words, even touch me, that won't help! I love your way of making me jealous and making me realized that i am not worthy of your attention. Just keep me yearn for it! I wont ask anyone to give me a spear and stab me because you've certainly doing it!

You've tickled my idle mind!

I am in-love probably in the wrong way. All i know is that, you've made me want you more! I won't suppress it nor let defenses take over. I am liking you in my own special way because i know it's impossible to have you. Intensely i desire you, just don't reciprocate, let it hang and let it pass!

I am used to it and i am a self confessed imposer of pain and pleasure!

See you around...Mydear!=)

ISN'T LIFE STRANGE?! (well..am faLLen!)

AM A NOT-SO-LICENSED-PAPARAZZI!! BWAHAHAHA

Feelings were suppressed, minds complexity troubled my heart recalling back those moments..

Nobody would realize as people stare, as if they would mind..

Encapsulated thoughts need to be recognize,

and i would be happy..

just to be acknowledge..

and il be thankful..

if you care!

UNREQUITED LOVE

I don’t have any outlet that’s why im writing it over here,again.

If only I could burst all these and cry.

And I’ve felt so useless!

That someone ive cared for is now in pain,

Trying to be calm and not shown of his emotions

And that makes me more upset.

To see him feared of not expressing it all out gets me so uneasy.

I could feel melancholy all over him, emptiness.

His gloomy eyeS wants to cry but he can’t.

he doesn’t even speak.

I could only see him from here where ive seated.

His head, leaning on his desk. He cant work.

Ive tried to talked to him, ask him to go out, but he resisted.

I don’t know how to approached or make a move.

I never used to see him on that situation.

So helpless!

I can’t say that ive pity him.

Im so upset just like him.

For in any reason that he cant confide it to me.

Cos maybe, i can’t do anything for him to be happy

He don’t even need me, im just nothing!

And that hurts me more!

If only I could do something just to see him happy,

even ifsomeone poke a joke out of me,

or be the subject of all those mockery, then,

I’ll let it be just to see him smiling.

I’ll do anything, just to see him wearing a smile even for a while, even if it takes me too long to do it…

I will!