Devirginized Part II-B

TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Ako with judy who took these pics in the hospital. She have also decided to spent er night and slept there. Kawawa daw kase ako..walang kasama!! =)

Cara was the first who've visited me. Aside from Kapamilyas ive had visitors aside from those who've texted me. ung iba, kapag daw ng 1 week nako sa hospital sila dadalaw..hehheheh=)
Thanks also to Richard, Jeff,Ynah, Lyna, Jane, and TL Ryan. I really appreciate the 'effort'.. I really do.
After that morning, ive realized that i dont have sleep yet. i am awake since the other day pa..i've got worried with myplatelet counts and bloodpressure. Bka lalong bumaba! Que Horror.. So ive decided and pushed my eyes closed and let myself to sleep at 2pm and i still have to count Sheeps just to get hypnotized and got tired.

HOurs passed and All i know was i am almost..ALMOST on my deep sleep.. when, ive heard two KNOCKS on the door at biglang may pumasok!!!

"GOOOooOOoooOOOOD AFTERNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON MAM!!!!: (hightone and smiling..)

"I AM LISA FROM COCCOLIFE PO!!! Ay, wala po kayong kasama? kakalungkot nmn,kakaiba to sa mga nkita ko, ung iba po kase may mga bantay..anlungkot nmn. Pero saglit lng to mam, explain ko lng po ung about sa Card, ugn mga kailangn po just in case mapalabas na po kayo bukas...."

AKO : ok miss huweyt lng..nagulat kase ako sa pagpasok mo eh. ansakit ng ulo ko..huweytlng ha..huweyt..few minutes.
(i didnt know if ive sounded sarcastic but she responded, still smiling..que baribaridad hija!)

sa totoo lng..dun ko lng naexperience ung bigla kang naistorbo sa pag tulog aT naunahan nya ung pagbalik ng ulirat ko bago man lng sya pumasok!!!Ang saket sa ulo..sus!



Ive anticipated that i wont enjoy my stay on that 4cornered-room, pero di den, inururat ko nlng ung mga tao dun. Every now and then, Nurse came over to get sample blood. , tamang chickahan kame nung OJT na nurse dun ..we've tlaked about nursing stuffs and ah uhmm, i forgot his name ,anyway ,and ung Janitor, mabait den! He have even offered his help if i am needing something. Naawa kase sila saken wala daw akogn kasama..hahahaha. I should have a BF daw..hw0ooosho0oooo..di den..hahaha=))



(it looks like that im in a PEDIA ward. Pero, hindi eh..un tlg ung room nila. Bedsheet were changed everyday, still, cartoon character pa den ung design. hehe)

So tiLL then, ive just included this experience on myblog since this is one of those "first time" of myLife.

Devirginized Part II-A

After that Saturday's Gettogether with our team..ive never had enough sleep and ive never felt OK. Sunday have passed without going out, and monday too. Buti n lng, im on-leave ng Lunes. Then, tuesday came. Pasok nmn sa skul ng hapon. After class and got home, i went to my room then ,tried my very best to sleep since i still have work that night. All i know is that i am so tired during that weekend, ( ireally dont even know why kase ive always been 'Laboy') untill after myclass. when i woke up..i've reallyfelt so exhausted and weary..seems that ive never had enough energy to get-up and call to the office and tell them that i cant make it up to work..but i did! ive called,of course,using mymobilephone. Buti nlng may load..hehehe..=)

THen..ive closed my eyes...


WEdnesday. All i knw was, ive had Fever the other night even on that last weekend. 'Tho i was'not able to get mytemperature on those days. I knew within that i am sick. So i need to go to the hospital for my Med cert. The nearest is a public hospital that is not even accredited buy our CompanyMedCard, but all i need was a MEDCERT for my SL. So i went there alone. i walked and looked for a trycycle just to get there. So exhausted..Ive tooked my Laboratory exm. it tooked me few minutes just to go back and forth for all those requirements..and so with that ive really felt that im losing my spare energy..but not to the point of fainting mydear! hehehe. =)

So after the sort-of laboratory exam, ive got the result and guess what?!
I've HAD DENGUE AND UTI!!!! with those expLanation that the doctor have had told me, all those i wasnt able to absorbed even understood.hahahahaha..Nanlalambot nkase ako..need ko ng magpahinga..ALL I'VE NEEDED WAS A MEDCERT FOR MY ABSENCES. AYOKONG MAGPACONNFIIIIIIIIIIIIIINED!!!!!! but the doctor was so persistent and she've really insisted na kelangn ko daw maconfined because of myplatelet counts. It really decreases daw. Ive just told her that i' should transfer to the other hospital which is Divine Grace. eh kase wala nkong maisip na accredited hospital near on our place. So ang ending... i went home again, alone.and decided not to tell my parents about my medical result.

soooobrang pagod!! all ive needed was rest..

10:30pm
NANAY: knock..knock..O, leli.. kumusta ang pakiramdm mo..ngpatingin ka ba sa doktor para me mapakita ka sa opis?
AKO : oo
NANAY : O ano sabe? anu bng nararamdaman mo?
AKO : La lang..me lagnat ako..nanalalambot ako. sabe lng uminom lng daw ako ng gatorade, yun lng..
NANAY: gnun ba o di cge..kumain k muna d2.
AKO : (no reaction)

after a few minutes....

AKO : Nanay!!!! tawag mo ko ng trycyccle...
NANAY: o baket? san ka ppunta?
AKO : magpapaconfine ako??sabe kase ng doctor me DENGUE daw ako at UTI eh!! eh ayoko magpconfine dun, pinipilit ako eh eh ayoko nga.. punta nlng ko ng divinegrace. anung bang mgnda ngyn nlng ako mgpaconfine o bukas? blah..blah..blah..yada..yada..yada.. (almost panicked..)
NANAY: huh? eh me pasok ako bukas eh,..
AKO : tatawag nyo lng ako ng trycycle..di nyo nmn ako sasamahan sa ospital eh..mgpapaconfine ako..MAGPAPACONFINE AKO!!!!!!
NANAY : (no reaction)

after a 5mins...

NANAY: o leli..magbihis kana..kunin mo na ang mga gamit mo at ayan na ang trycycle..
AKO : ok..wait lng.

my father who was on his deep sleep during that time woke up...

NANAY: tatay..aalis lng kame ni leli..magpapaconfine daw cya. Samahan ko lng to saglit dun.
AKO : babay! =)

Next scene was already there in DivineGrace. Ive told my mom to go back home kase kaya ko nmn..im not even bedridden.So pasok nko sa hospital...

To make that scene short...ive had again another procedure just to make sure that i am having dengue and UTI. So the so-called procedure went on and heard one of the nurse in blue uniform yelled and called the doctors attention.

NURSE : DOC! POSITIVE SA DENGUE.
AKO : hala,,naku..

after a few minutes again...

NURSE1 : mam, dextrose po muna tayo ha..and a ter ilang minutes aakyat n nmen kayo sa taas..
AKO: Masaket ba yan?
NURSE2 : (ume-epaL) OO MASAKET! (hightone)
AKO : (pabulong) Ay! kabog!hehehe
NURSE : eh mam, wala po ba kayong kasama ngyong gabi? wala po kayong bantay?
AKO : wala eh..pinauwe ko na..=)
NURSE : ha?! ah ok..


So there...it was really not in my plan to be there in the hospital, its just that ive had this txt conversation with Jhe before Nanay went home that night. She's asking mycondition and told stories of her sister who got dengue twice. She have also told me to take it seriously because platelet counts really go down fast and doctors should have monitor those , otherwise, i should have undergo blood transfusion. And with that, ive got feared for myself and also for my life! Its like a sense of urgency took my mind and decide ...to go OR not to go. heheheh..

I was devirginized...its really my first time to got confined and had Dextrose. 'Tho mixed feeling..it was nice and it felt so good. hehe.

♪♪ MyFather'sBandmates ♫

AFTER THE WHOLE DAY THERAPY SESSION ON MY TRAINING SCHOOL YESTERDAY, IVE HURRIEDLY WENT HOME SO I COULD CATCH AT LEAST 3-4HOURS OF ENOUGH SLEEP BEFORE GOING TO WORK AT NIGHT.
SO EXHAUSTED THAT I WAS EXPECTING A VERY SERENE PLACE AROUND MY ROOM, AND OUR HOUSE AS WELL...A COMFY BLANKET AND BED,NO LOUD RADIOs FROM NEIGHBORHOOD, A NICE WEATHER..NO DISTURBANCE!

THATs WHAT I'VE ANTICIPATED...=)

MY FATHERs LONG TIME FRIENDS FROM HIS COMBO DAYS VISITED HIM THAT DAY.
I WAS GLAD TO SEE HIM WITH THEM, ITS BEEN A LONG TIME THOUGH'.
THEIR LAST REUNION WAS 1998 . A DECADE AGO AND NOW I AM SEEING THEM AGAIN. IT FEELS GOOD TO RECOLLECT THOSE DAYS ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE WITH FRIENDS,and IN MY FATHERs CASE, REMINISCIN THOSE BANDA DAYS COULD BRING THEIR YOUTH BACK.
OPPOSITE OF WHAT IVE THOUGHT OF, ,IVE THOUGHT THAT I COULD SLEEP AS I WOULD REACHED OUR HOUSE...I'VE PICKED MY CAMERA, AND TOOK SOME PICS!
A SIMPLE KEEPSAKE ON MY PART, IF NOT OF HIM, SINCE HIS INTEREST WAS NOT ONTO CAPTURING MUSHY MOMENTS LIKE THIS. SINCE AFTER SEEING THEM MADE MY EMOTIONS SO ELATED, NO MORE YAWNS.,,
I WENT ON-LINE CHECK MY ACCOUNTS and TOOK A PEEKED AND PEEPED ON WHAT THEY'VE TALKING ABOUT, IVE HEARD THEIR LAUGHTERS, TEASING EACH OTHER. IVE HEARD THEY WILL BE HAVING A GET-TOGETHER AGAIN ON DEC.04..((TAY SAMA AKO!! PITSUR PITSUR LANG AKO!HEHE)) =))

ITS NICE AND IT FELT SO GOOOOD! =)

I am Me! =)

I COULD BE EXTREMELY HAPPY AND TALKATIVE BUT I COULD BE CATATONIC FOR AN HOUR.
if you've made me disappointed, you've made a mark and i hardly forget.
I AM NOT A COPYCAT OF ANYONE, I AM LIVING MY OWN LIFE AND I REALLY HATED TO BE ASSOCIATED.
i know what i am doing and i rarely ask for advise. If i did, well maybe i am just running out of answers and maybe desperate.
I AM ANXIOUS FOR ANY KIND OF SEPARATION, EVEN IF SOMETIMES IT DONT CONCERNED ME. I JUST HATE A THOUGHT OF IT.
im a christian and I am still trying to be a good one yet a part of me says I should be a lame believer.
I HARDLY FORGET MEMORIES!
ive never aimed High,neither aspire for Power.They've expected me to have it. Just a bit of success will do!
I WANNA DIE OF NO PAIN AT THE AGE OF 60. AT LEAST BEFORE 60, I'D BE GONE ON THIS EARTH.
sometimes, i like it when people ask for my help, and i'll be disappointed if i dont have any means of doing so.
I HATE TO SEE HELPLESS PEOPLE.
i like it too, when people talks about emotions and points of view.
I LIKE GUYS WHO STIMULATES AND TICKLES MY IDLE MIND. I LIKE BEFRIENDING THEM. ;)
i like chasing people i admire yet easily get off when tired.
SOMETIMES, I PLAYED AND APPEARED DUMB JUST TO LET OTHERS FEEL THAT THEY'RE SMART.
(oh ! i forgot, that sometimes i really am Dumb! so when you noticed it,please dont dare to talk to me..my mind is wandering, maybe! and on Astral State! hehehe)
i like seeing people so delighted and confused, im so entertain seeing facial expressions!=)
I DONT LIKE GRUMPY PEOPLE, THEY MADE ME STOOD IN ONE CORNER AND DONT TALK.

Nobody would care even myself wont bother
for someone like you,don’t know anything but yourself.
If judging others would give you excruciationg happiness
then go, Run fast!
enough for me to hear those worlds for I know ,
people OF your kind would indulge into nonsensical stuffs ..and would earn nothing!

IF FOR YOU, I AM NOT NORMAL,
THEN, CALL ME A MADWOMAN!=)

WOMAN

IM AN OUTLET,AN ECHO THAT KEEPS ON LINGERING,
JUST LIKE A PAIL WHERE THE WATER FROM THE FAUCET POURS,
A MAT , WHERE YOU WIPE DOWN YOUR FEET,
A DROP OF RAIN THAT FEEDS DURING DROUGHT,
A RELIEF FOR A SUDDEN THIRST,
A REMEDY FOR THAT ITCHINESS.

ITS AN INFLICTED DISTRESS…
A SWEEET AND PLEASING ONE THAT MARKED THOSE DAYS!
SO SWEET THAT EVEN FOR A WHILE AM HOLDING YOUR MIND

YOU'VE MADE ME A WOMAN!
THANK YOU!

S K E P T I C I S M

John Lennon have said that..
“God is a concept..”

Is it the same notion the catholic pope asserted that..

“Heaven is a state of mind..” ?

I dont know..
all i know is that upon my birth ..
God exists!
As early as i have my awareness of going to church.,
Supreme Being was there.

Deep within my thoughts and understanding..

Heaven was up there..
But never i imagined to be there for i know that i’ll never belong!


If hell is true..the conventional torture and sea of fire,'
Much more i dont belong for i know that once in my life..i do good!
but i am not perfect as my God wants me to be.

Sometimes..
I thought of living without heaven and hell,
Even principles.

Maybe, living simply in this world till your life ends.
Enjoy the resources and not abused it..
No more pride and greed.
Living with positivity without self desires.

If there’s another earth out there?
or If there’s another life after death?
i dont know..
never i thought of having another life after dying.

I’ll just accept that its a perpetual departure.
To let go off the senses..

Death is infinity.

if skepticism is a sin..
then i’ve sinned!

TAMUNENENG

Si TAMUNENENG..

Si tamuneneng ay dumating sa amin nuong taong 2005 at cya ay pang lima sa aming naging alagang aso.

In fairness naman sa kanya,mabait naman.

Yun nga lang, paranoid!

Dinala cya sa amin ng aking ama, sinakay cya sa motor tas nakalagay sa sako.

Tuwang tuwa kme nung dumating cya..

isa lang kase aso namin eh at un ay si Butototoy.

Yun na nga..isa lng napansin ko sa kanya..paglabas ko sa kanya sa sako.

Tahimik… ..

at ang kanyang mga ‘eyeballs’ ay paikot ikot sa paligid at di cya gumagalaw..

(nahilo ata cya sa byahe)

Tipong..nakikiramdam sa kanyang bagong ‘environment’.

Tumalilis cya ng takbo at pumunta sa isang sulok..ganun p din ang emote nya.

Paranoid!

Lumipas ang maraming araw, ganun pa din cya..

Nakakatakot tuloy..naisip ko bka maging ‘asong ulol’ cya.. .

mailap din kasi cya sa tao, tulo pa laway.

Pag nakakakita ng tao..ngtatago cya sa halamanan..tas di pa cya kumakahol..

Anung klase naman yun?!

Nagresearch ang aking tatay sa kung anung background meron ang asong si tamuneneng.

Napag alaman namin na lumaki pla cya sa tabing ilog..

Sabe nung ng alaga sa kanyang mga magulang, bihira lng daw kase ang tao sa area nila kaya cguro ganun cya..

Mailap!

Hanggang sa..napagdesisyunan ng buong pamilya na pakawalan at iligaw nlng si tamuneneng..

Mahirap pero..kailangan.

Mabigat sa damdamin dahil napamahal na din cya sa amin, kahit papano sa loob ng dalawang buwan.

Nagising na lang ako isang umaga na..

Wala na cya sa aming hardin..

Ayun..nailigaw na pla cya sa bukid ng aking ama,

Dating gawi..sinakay sa motor at nakalagay sa sako.

Nag iwan cya ng tali sa kanyang leeg bilang palatandaan.

Hindi naman daw humabol sa kanya.

Simple lang. tumakbo lng si tamuneneng sa bukid.

Lumipas ang tatlo..limang buwan..

Nang aksidenteng napadaan ang sinasakyan kong trycycle sa bukid na yun.

Short cut kase ang bukid na iyon sa aking pinagttrabahuhan.

NAKITA KO DUN SI TAMUNENENG..TUMATAKBO NA PARANG MASAYA NAMAN

AT NAGLALARONG MAG ISA.

May saltik tlg…at tipong may ‘imaginary friend ‘ pa ata.

Nalaman kong cya yon dahil sa tali sa kanyang leeg.

RAMDAM KO MASAYA CYA DUN. TAS MEDYO TUMABA PA CYA!!NAHIYANG CYA DUN!

At least kahit papanu..alam ko na okay cya..masaya kahit nabubuhay mag isa.. ..

BUTOTOY

Si butotoy..

9years na cya samen eh.So..matanda naba yun para sa isang
normal na askal?

Matanda na cya so anticipated ko na ang kanyang nalalapit o
paparating na pagyao..

Ok n yung expected ko na kesa Makita nlng namen cyang
nakabulagta at di ko malaman ang aking magging emosyon pag nngyare un ng
biglaan. Kagaya ng nngyare ke TUKNENENG,(naunang aso nmen ke
butotoy),papakainin n nmen cya nun eh..ng makita ng kptd ko na nakabulagta nlng
cya dun.Di nmen alm kng bakit..teorya ng tatay ko..inatake! 4years din cya
samen..

Kaya hweto,,nagssulat ako ng tungkol ke BUTOTOY.

Talented yang aso namen,tawag ko dyn
SPIDERDOG,kase..Inaaakyat nya ung gate nmen. .aNg tindi ng adrenaline rush! Dati nga, busyng busy kme kkpanuod ng
TV eh ngulat nlng kme ng tinawag kme ng kapit bahay kase si butotoy daw ay nakabigti..
Nahulog cya from tuktok ng gate,tas naka-hang lang cya..buti nlng ung paa nya
nakatapak sa sanga ng maliit nmeng FiveFingers n halaman.Ayun,kakawagkawag
cya..buti nlng naagapan pa! Second life nya na sigurong maituturing yon! =)

Tas pag ngggitara ako sa labas ng bhay nmen,nsa
tabi ko lng cya..parang isa sa audience. Tas mayamaya konti,tutulugan ako,,Pag si tatay nmn eh nag-Harmonica,tas mataas
ugn tono..mag aawooooooo cya…so parang kumakanta lang…kung anu ung taas ng tono..ppantayan nya un!Yung mga kapitbahay namen nagpapanic na kase nag aawooooo cya,akla nila me mamatay..etc..hehehehe…di nila alm..singer lang tlg si butotoy!=)

At kng makikita nyo sa pic..kinunan ko
cya, alm nyang nasa likod nya ko…pero parang ngpproject cya! At parang sinasabe
nyang..”CGE SHOT LNG NG SHOT!”…hehehe =)

Sa sobrang tanda nya…mahina na din cya kumaen..tas me hika
na den cya..ubo cya ng ubo..tas susuka cya..tas didilaan nya..(yuck!)

Ganunpaman,maasahan namen ang aso n yan kaya para mkpagprepare
n din kme sa nalalapit nyang paglisan eh minabuti nmeng mag alaga n ng ibang
tuta na pinangalanan nmeng OKRAY-OKRAY. (ang asong me malaporselanang mga
garapata!)..Actually dalawa sila ,,hiningi lng sila..ung isa si ANACLETO,kaso
si anacleto pinamigay na kase bihirang kumahol..pangit nmn un,db?!

Ayun,hnggng ngyn nasa amin pa din si Butotoy..inaantay nlng
nmen cyang mabawian ng buhay..sana

matagalan pa..

sana

….(sigh!)

Sa Bakuran...

.....a very comfy zone of our house where i relax.. strum myguitar , do some sketches...read any reading materials..or just do nothing and just sitback for hours!! ;)

EuLoGy

His death,

Gives me time to reflect,

To assess, to meditate.

How far will i go for this faith?

Have i served Him well?

Can i speak out for what i believed in?

Will i reach the same end?!

He did… till his last breath.

How could people take his life just for principle?

Isn't that their only way of showing prowess to nation?

Is that their last resort?

A gunshot?

Did they prove something after all?

A success on their part!

Silly...Machismo.

Desperate and pity those people who lived and longed for that damn principle.

They're living voraciously.

Greed is their god!

An inverted thumb.

We never pray for his soul.

But we pray for the soul of those who did that to him.

It’s such a sorrow that fighting for principle will reach this gruesome end!

Then, what’s next?

Who's next?

JERRY & THE ECHOES

Last week, ive planned to meet a friend since its been a year that we havent seen each other. Initially, myplanned was to meet her in Quezon City where she worked in a pharmacy and promised me to give some Vitamins for Free..hehehehe =)

Yet, she decided for us to just dropped by on her BFs regular gig in RenaissanceHotel. Actually, ive told her that i've wanted to see their band because they've been covered 50's-60s songs. .and to my shocked that they've performed on RamonJacinto's Shows on RJ Sunday Jam on Ch.29. =)

So last saturday...we did...
check these photos with their makulit at approachable na P.A (productionassitant)

PAMPALIPAS NG SAMA NG LOOB by GARY GRANADA

"...ako ang bayani ng mga bigo. di nagtatampo, di naglalaro, di naninibugho. ako'y walang puso't damdamin, di kailangang malaman mo pa. nakahanda na maglingkod kahit tingin mo pa sa akin pansamantala, pampalipas ng sama ng loob."-GaryGranada

Im into some of his songs these past few days and been humming to this since yesterday, ive just stumbled the video on youtube and found it really interesting. This song is so cute and i didnt find any negativity with the lyrics, just the complexity and laudable expression of his emotions. Lyrics of his songs are very pleasing and some are poetic.

Ive known GaryGaranada as a folk artist wayback 90's,, when i was in my 3rd year high school and became a Fan of Ginebra,where EHEADS and RIVERMAYA+INTROVOYS were hot on the airwaves. He sang the team's theme and i got dismayed (BayangBarrios also have the version of it) .
I dont even appreciate his works before even the melody,also, works of other FOLK-ethnic artist are not in my mind...but that was before!! i will insist..that was BEFORE!!! ;)

Saranggola sa ulan is primarily my favorite.=)

So everytime i am humming it...


i just smile ... =)

ROUNDTRIP!=)

Wala lng..

i just loooove longbus trip kahit traffic.

Wyl traffic..habang ang mga tao ay nababagot sa pag usad ng bus.. ako naman..

nagkakaron ng "sacred idleness" within me..

nakakapag isip… .

nakkapagasessed.

Habang nakatulala..

Nagiisip ng kung anu ano.. minsan naiiyak,, minsan nmn.. palihim na natatawang mag isa..=)

kaya if i have tym at kung may magyaya.. .. naku,,round trip lang.. ok nko..=)

"roundtrip" tawag nmen ng tropang hayskul kapag trip nameng magbyahe..baba ng terminal tas sakay ulit pabalik. ganun lng.. . palipas oras..=)

Gawain nmen nung hayskul.. kakamiss…=)

Eksena

My heart really breaks when im seeing old people along the streets begging for alms and do anything just to earn money.

I am so upset seeing them buying and selling junks and collecting bottles just to have a meal on their table, just to survive on a certain day! Some I’ve noticed became ‘barker’,,pedicab driver, cigarette vendor and some are just standing and spending time on the streets.

Maybe some of those elders don’t deserve that kind of living,even anticipated that lifestyle, and that hurts a lot!

It’s even a distressing scene where you can find them sitting on the corner along the streets,staring on nothing. Teary eyed. ..Helpless....

I am wonderin’ where are their love ones? Do their love ones knows their whereabouts? How about their children?

Their children, that supposed to take care of them now... now that they’re old. It’s a sad reality where kids whom their parents once sacrificed their lives will eventually leave and create a family of their own leaving their parents alone ..again!

A thought of a teleserye made me cry where a typical love story of lovers surpassed the hardships of marriage and having a family that made them utter these words:

“Sa simula, tayo lng namang dalawa tlg..hanggang sa huli..tayo pa ding dalawa..”

It’s indeed, a not so pleasing reality for me and it’s a part of being a human. It’s really acceptable in our society and it really happens. It’s just so sad that in the end, it seems that no one loves them anymore...afterall!

Well, life goes on!

PRETENDER

I dont have satisfaction
I've tried various images
Just for popularity's sake
I let it be done.

Unfortunately, it didnt suit me.
It brought me remorse
A stupid attempt,
That will lead me in regret.

But still, I'm living in falsehood
trying to be you
Im full of hypocrisy
and its time to shed off in this personality
A facade that will bury my souL.
>LeLaY=)

LUMAD Vol.4 No.2
SSCR-Cavite-2002

INSTAMATIC KARMA

AT LONG LAST..I ALREADY HAVE THIS BOOK.

IVE WAITED FOR THIS ,MONTHS AGO AND NOW I AM HOLDING AND DONE READING THIS.

ACTUALLY THE ONLY THING IN MY MiND WAS TO HAVE THIS BOOK SHIPPED

AND ORDER VIA AMAZON.COM.

SINCE IT WOULD BE CHEAPER IF IT WOULD BE ORDERED AND SHIPPED IN U.S ,

however, IVE JUST ASKED A FRIEND TO HAVE THIS AS A PASALUBONG!! (yipeeee,,thanks wilson!) CLICK THIS > JOHN AND MAY PANG LOST WEEKEND

AND WHAT MADE ME WANT THIS BOOK?

WELL, ASIDE THE FACT THAT ITS ALL ABOUT JOHN?

IVE ALSO WANT TO TAKE A PEEK ON HOW JOHN AND MAY LOVE AFFAIR HAPPENED,,

AND TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THAT SO CALLED --LOST WEEKEND!=)

MY FAVORITE TRYCYCLE DRIVER..=)

PRESENTING MY FAVORITE TRYCYCLE DRIVER!! HEHEHEEHE =)

This pic was shot..of course, on his tryck on my way home.
Unaware of what is happening, he's kinda annoyed and uncomfortable (i guess..),
while repeated flashing lights covered the 10min ride on his trycycle. ((witch Laugh)) =D

...and what makes him speciaL?? Well.. ITS HIS HAIR!! i really like his hair, the effortless dread-styled-hair! ;)

CHOIR DAYS...

i had them wayback..

and it happened so fast that we’ve separated, maybe they’ve existed in my life for a certain purpose..maybe they are ..as what other people would say.. a heaven sent!

it such a wonderful and great friendship i’ve encountered with them, we had same principles but still, personalities varies.Am so happy during those days that i opted not to attend school and skipped classes and became isolated with my long tym fwends just to spent my time with them..

we’re in a choir..(i’ve been a part of it!hehe), a group composed of those who can reaaaaly sing and those who are frustrated to sing including myself..=)

we practiced together,we cooked,we laughed, we cried, we shared secrets,knowledge, stories, views in life, troubles, crushes, heartaches,we invoked to SupremeBeing together and had this same frequency..

Time moved really so fast, that..obliviously..im losing them.Others gone abroad..some chose to be in a different field and priority,,and the rest are here.Unfortunately we frequently see each other.. if we do we just nod..say hi and hello, sometimes we txt each other..thats all!

SAd to say..the intense emotion of attachment wasnt there anymore..

Apparently, we’ve chose to be on our own will,, and Gods will also!

We’re having now our own lives..

Lastnight until this morning..a thought of them made me expressed this through writing..i still harbor their memories in mymind and never be erased.. ..

they’ve already been a part and parcel of mylife that, if i chose one part of it to come back, i’ll choose to be with them again..even for a moment!

i missed them.. i miss the tambay days till madaling araw..kwentuhan, tawanan..

Probbably they appeared to me for only a season and for a purpose..irealized it just now and for whatever purposed.. iwould say that they fulfilled what i plead for and mypurposed as well..

its a job well done for all of us!

*this was posted on myfriendster blog last june2008 and ive decided to repost this here since Wilson got back from US last week. We've tried to contact some friends for a get-together but only "us" were visible and reachable as of this moment. hehehe..=)

>TO:sheryl,sherani,erina,erica,vangie,kim,jheng,willen,wilshayne,

nolin,wilson,eric,dennis,tuwit,mac,jermaine,dennis ulit,

dominick,jeck.Kung maynakalimutan ako..

naku sori naman, my memory didnt serve me well..memory gap!hehe

..TiLL our neXt tambay!=)

Just like how ParokyaNiEdgar and KorinaSanchez brags about their longtime friendships with their highschoolfriends,,i am also proud to have myOwn friendship story and still sticking with those people. It's like keeping a heirloom. The more it goes into years, the more its been valued! You may not passed it into next generation, but it would always be remembered and treasured. Im walking blindly not knowing until when will i have this friendship with them..all i know is that, 'tho distance would take us separately, "WE'RE STILL FRIENDS.."












last TAMBAY...a simple despedida for CArolyn! I've been with her since Grade IV. Do the Math, How many years? Im 28 this year. =)
(((center pic : Carolyn-Judy-Cara)))




....last kulitan with her! Where's Cara?Well..she is still..browsing her fezbuk account!Ginugulo nyo eh..=)






Analin AKA "special participation".
She's also one of the originals yet, dont have much time for us..she's been busy with her lovelife! Lately lang, she broke up with her 4years BF so she've had time with us, but not a 6months passed,she've got a new one!!!hehehe..so,, back to her normal life. Palaging absent sa meeting..still..we understand!=)



Karen AKA the DEAN turned THE OWNER of our school...you'll always be missed! Originally,one of the MAINCAST sa mga labuyan. She also left us to Dubai and now she's in Canada.
A RecordBreaker...she's the first one who got married!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! hahhahahahahahahaa =)

























Well..thats's life...DISTANCE will do good sometimes! Lets just go with the flow,and adapt to it!
Someday we'll meet again.. reminiscing what we've been and what we're still having..

WHO KNOWs...DURING THAT TIME..THE MAINCAST WE'RE ALL MARRIED NA!! =)


TERMS TO REMEMBER:
MAINCAST - always present sa 'tambay'
KOOPERATIBA - the term we just keep on mocking each other around since THE MAINCAST were all SINGLE!
SPECIAL PARTICIPATION - missing in action sa mga labuyan =)
SCHOOL - before Karen planned and left us to go abroad, orginally, KOOPERATIBA is not existing even passed thru our mind. Since we're so attached with each other, we've imagined that we're having and one of us owns A school . Karen as the DEan- turned-theOwner...Judy as the Professor...and the rest of us were students categorized also in different levels..
Our SUBJECT matter : ***censored*** ;)

MY OPEN LETTER!=)

tago bilis...dyahe!! hahahahahaha


i am clueLess of this sudden change. Abruptly you've eased this dullness i am feeling.

how can i grab again those eyes that solely was with me? how can i get back the attention you have patiently for me? it's just a start of questioning myself of having again this so called my-perpetual-routine-of-love.

you've chased me and now...am chasing you!

just let it hang and i'll keep on following you.Don't mind me mydear. i just love the sight of seeing you walking, as if you dont see me looking. Don't look back! It's a gentle way of saying i-like-you-no-more! Just passed me by and let me desire the thought of not having you around for i know that, if i'll make a certain move, you'll fall easily! Don't say any sweet flattering words, even touch me, that won't help! I love your way of making me jealous and making me realized that i am not worthy of your attention. Just keep me yearn for it! I wont ask anyone to give me a spear and stab me because you've certainly doing it!

You've tickled my idle mind!

I am in-love probably in the wrong way. All i know is that, you've made me want you more! I won't suppress it nor let defenses take over. I am liking you in my own special way because i know it's impossible to have you. Intensely i desire you, just don't reciprocate, let it hang and let it pass!

I am used to it and i am a self confessed imposer of pain and pleasure!

See you around...Mydear!=)

ODE TO THE BEAUTIFUL NUDE by PABLO NERUDA

With a chaste heart
With pure eyes I celebrate your beauty
Holding the leash of blood

So that it might leap out and trace your outline
Where you lie down in my Ode
As in a land of forests or in surf
In aromatic loam, or in sea music

Beautiful nude
Equally beautiful your feet
Arched by primeval tap of wind or sound
Your ears, small shells
Of the splendid American sea
Your breasts of level plentitude
Fulfilled by living light
Your flying eyelids of wheat
Revealing or enclosing
The two deep countries of your eyes

The line your shoulders have divided into pale regions
Loses itself and blends into the compact halves of an apple
Continues separating your beauty down into two columns of
Burnished gold
Fine alabaster
To sink into the two grapes of your feet
Where your twin symmetrical tree burns again and rises
Flowering fire
Open chandelier
A swelling fruit
Over the pact of sea and earth

From what materials
Agate?
Quartz?
Wheat?
Did your body come together?
Swelling like baking bread to signal silvered hills
The cleavage of one petal
Sweet fruits of a deep velvet
Until alone remained
Astonished
The fine and firm feminine form

It is not only light that falls over the world spreading inside your body Yet suffocate itself So much is clarity Taking its leave of you As if you were on fire within

The moon lives in the lining of your skin. --->PABLO NERUDA

..JUST READ THIS BEAUTIFUL POEM ON THE PAGES OF INQUIRER. AYAN, NAINLOVE TULOY AKO SA MGA WORKS NYA.

I LOVE THE LAST STANZA!

Anung KaLandian iTo?Emo ka?

Gusto ko ng tapusin ang oras.

Gusto ko ng lisanin ang kinalulugaran ko,

Para saken, isa itong problemang dapat tapusin.

Di tapat patagalin.

Dapat tuldukan.

Di ko na kaya at matagaltagal pa ang oras.

Pinipigilan dumaloy ang luhang kanina pa

Nanggingiming pumatak.

Kung bakit ba di kita pinigilan?

At di man lang nilapitan?

Hanggang sa nngyare na..

Huli na ang lahat.

Paglingon ko wla ka na

Di man lang ngpaalam

Di man lang ngsabe!

Hanggang saan ko kikimkimin ang iniwang damdamin.

Superhumane Effort!

Aaaaaaargh..hard to define yet its here again. So, what will
I do..

1. I just
   put my headset on then at least even for a while it eliminates the struggling emotion within.
   It would take 30mins then im ok na.
2. I’ll
   get mymug then pour some coffee tapos,,kelangan bittersweet.
3. I’ll
   do this,,freewriting. I’ll steal only fewminutes of my time writing here.
4. Tas work
   mode ulit. Work mode..workmode.till I get busy..eventually i’ve help
   myself to get my attention be diverted.

yeah,right..a superhumane effort just to
brush aside all
this. Para-paraan nlng!

I know…few months or weeks..days will passed then its all
over again. It will pass..manalig ako! Manalig akoooooooo!! Hahahaha =)

ISN'T LIFE STRANGE?! (well..am faLLen!)

AM A NOT-SO-LICENSED-PAPARAZZI!! BWAHAHAHA

Feelings were suppressed, minds complexity troubled my heart recalling back those moments..

Nobody would realize as people stare, as if they would mind..

Encapsulated thoughts need to be recognize,

and i would be happy..

just to be acknowledge..

and il be thankful..

if you care!

Questions

dahil sa puro survey ang laman ng bulletin sa FWENDSTER … hweto gumawa ako ng sarile ko..go with the flow!! hahahaha =)

1. kanino ka natutong magfwendsteriing thing? >> iknew this thing to Dylan,,sabe nya magregister daw ako..masaya daw,tho im not into this kind of online stuff before..
2. sino ang kaunaunahang nagtesti sayow?>>..cya din,, checkitout! Naging mgkachikahan kme nitong gerL nato for a month,ansaya!(ewankolangkungkilalanyapako..hehe) Simpleng babae plng cya nun,ngyn sikat n cya.
3. ano ang iyong matuturing na guilty-pleasure? >>recently,nung napatambay ako sa bahay ng 1month,naku..nannuod ako ng Wowowee tas isang lingo kong nging crush si Willie,,tas nnuod ako ng HanaKimi ung sa ch.2..tas crush ko si Dok. Tas dretso BigBrother ang pnnuod..hanepz..kapamilyangkapamilya..hahaha
4. any frustrations? >>OOmeron eh gusto kong libutin ng buong pilipinas,nd gusto kong mgexcel s mg interest ko: maggitra,magsult,mgpinta etc..tipong numpisahan ko lng Tas di ko nmn ntapos. Plage akong gnun,,msatisfy ko lng ung urges to learn...=)
5. anong gusto mong pag aralan? >> mg massage therapy..ggwin kong sideline.hahaha
6. kamusta ang self-esteem mo? >> so far..not good! Nagffalter..pabago bago.
7. inlab kaba ngyn? >> oo naman..in lab ako at soobrang attach sa mga interest ko..
8. anugn interest mo? >>makinig ng musikang gusto ko,,maggitara sa bahay,,magsulat ng kugn anung naiisip..lumaboy..tumambay..
9. single ka ba?bkit? >>oo,,am single by choice kase no choice..hahaha=D
10. gusto/ayaw mo mag asawa? Bkit ulit? >>as of now..malakeng ayoko!bkit? aba..mahirap ang buhay ngyn..sarile ko nga dko na kayang buhayin, magdadagdag pko..at pangit na ang mundo para tirhan….either il grow up alone or il adapt a child.=)
11. plastic ka ba? >>actually,im not! pero may mga instances na i have to..and you’ll never know ,even feel ,that i am…
12. i-love-myself-statement mo? (para sa mga mababa ang self confidence),,kung mataas na..hindi ito nababagay na tanong. >> IF I HAVE THIS STRONG WILL OVER SOMETHING..I COULD DO ITAND I COULD GET IT..byhooked or by crooked..harharhar..=)
13. pleaser ka ba? >> yup..specially if i like the person,.BUT kapag no response at all, I’ll not exert a superhumane effort anymore..hehe..i’ll ditch him/her off!! the nerve!!! hahahaha=D

ANGER MANAGEMENT PART1

people might misconstrued me as a person, mylifestyle or myprinciple..

i dont owe you a single word or even defend mypart, i 'll just let it be!

you’re not in myworld anyway..

hindi nmn karagdagan sa pagkatao ko ang mga reaksyong nakukuha ko o makukuha ko..ni pagtyagaang kausapin ang uri mo,,dko gagawin!

tara….kape nlng..=D

escape

its sad that im looking forward to mylastresort

am tired and dissapontments prevails

im weary and none of any positivity over mymind.

its a need to find my way home.. .

and love isnt my lair!

Escape.. .. … ..

A BATTLE

i knew this eversince..i’ve felt this 7years ago. Emptiness surrounds me,melancholy was anticipated. I wasnt able to survive this emotion until my superego reigns.

i’ve fought the battle..my id was defeated..

And now..im facing again this stupidity.

and i knew the culprit of these hostility.

and im blaming mundane desires..

i dont like to live this way.

and i hope i’ll won the battle.

This isnt my ideal self.. ..

DEVIRGINIZED I (repost)

Sabe masaket daw…

Hindi naman.

( Mega tanggi p nga
ako..pero wala..sumuko din.)

Impulsive kase..wala eh..pinasok ko to..bahala na…=)

Siyempre masaket … ..sa Ego. . but, it still differs on how you handle
situations.

It’s so intense that I have to write it over here.

Ansaya lang kase..overwhelming ang feeling..its my first
time to be criticized personally sa larangan ng literatura (awwww naman!parang may napatunayan na??)
hehe=)

Kababawan sa iba..pero sa ken..kakaiba.. =D

Sabe nga nila ..“
you should know how to detached yourself over your works. If someone criticizes your work, it doesn’t necessarily mean
that it’s you,personally,that has been criticized.”

Cge..cge..tama..tama! =d

I was devirginized. Kung mga katulad lang nila ang
mang-ookray at kakatay ng gawa ko, ok lang. mas gusto ko kung sila. well-experienced sila eh =)

… .. ..

“o ano tutula ka o mgkkwento?”

sabe ko..” magkwento na lang..”

“Ano?? ambilis mo nmng sumuko?”

(kaso..di ko sila na pleased,,abstract daw.) =(

Anyway,Gusto kong maulit…kaso busy na ata sila,ang gagaling nila sooobrang
nirerespeto ko sila. Daming learnings! salamat.=)

UNREQUITED LOVE

I don’t have any outlet that’s why im writing it over here,again.

If only I could burst all these and cry.

And I’ve felt so useless!

That someone ive cared for is now in pain,

Trying to be calm and not shown of his emotions

And that makes me more upset.

To see him feared of not expressing it all out gets me so uneasy.

I could feel melancholy all over him, emptiness.

His gloomy eyeS wants to cry but he can’t.

he doesn’t even speak.

I could only see him from here where ive seated.

His head, leaning on his desk. He cant work.

Ive tried to talked to him, ask him to go out, but he resisted.

I don’t know how to approached or make a move.

I never used to see him on that situation.

So helpless!

I can’t say that ive pity him.

Im so upset just like him.

For in any reason that he cant confide it to me.

Cos maybe, i can’t do anything for him to be happy

He don’t even need me, im just nothing!

And that hurts me more!

If only I could do something just to see him happy,

even ifsomeone poke a joke out of me,

or be the subject of all those mockery, then,

I’ll let it be just to see him smiling.

I’ll do anything, just to see him wearing a smile even for a while, even if it takes me too long to do it…

I will!

S KE P T I C I S M

John Lennon have said that..

“God is a concept..”

Is it the same notion the catholic pope asserted that..

“Heaven is a state of mind..” ?

I dont know..

all i know is that upon my birth ..

God exists!

As early as i have my awareness of going to church.,

Supreme Being was there.

Deep within my thoughts and understanding..

Heaven was up there..

But never i imagined to be there for i know that i’ll never belong..

If hell is true..the conventional torture and sea of fire,

Much more i dont belong for i know that once in my life..i do good!

but i am not perfect as my God wants me to be..

Sometimes..

I thought of living without heaven and hell,

Even principles.

Maybe, living simply in this world till your life ends.

Enjoy the resources and not abused it..

No more pride and greed.

Living with positivity without self desires.

If there’s another earth out there?

or If there’s another life after death?

i dont know..

never i thought of having another life after dying.

I’ll just accept that its a perpetual departure.

To let go off the senses..

Death is infinity.

if skepticism is a sin..

then i’ve sinned!